Parenting Playbook

State your expectations clearly . . .

Children are much more likely to follow through on your expectations when your requests are stated clearly. Actually, we all are more likely to follow through on expectations that are clearly stated. Here are some thoughts about being clear: Watch your timing. Most of...

Important conversations . . .

When parents have conversations with their children, it is important for them to reflect on what may be going on in the minds of those involved. Conversations that include attention to mental processes respect each person’s subjective reality. If mental processes are...

Dependence and independence . . .

It can be exasperating for parents when children are able to do something independently—such as get dressed, take a shower, or do chores without reminders—yet they don’t. There is a reason for this. As children take steps toward independence, they need to balance...

Understanding sibling rivalry . . .

When the excitement and novelty of having a new brother or sister wears off, the older child may begin to feel painful emotions. The older child can feel left out, second best, and invisible. These painful feelings are very real—real for the child on an emotional...

Attitude . . .

An attitude, or our state of mind in the moment, is more transient than a belief. Yet this temporary state of mind does affect how we perceive, interpret, and respond in any given situation. Our attitude in the moment shapes how we feel about someone or something, and...

When to step in . . .

Knowing when to step in to help your child if he or she is being picked on or left out of a group is sometimes difficult for parents. Children do need to have some challenges to develop skills. For example, they need to get into arguments to learn how to resolve them,...

Connect to their reality . . .

As parents, we often miss making a connection with our children by responding to them only from our own point of view. Doing so leaves children feeling denied and all alone. One of the keys to connecting with children is to really listen to them and try to understand...

Intense emotions . . .

As a child learns to connect ideas and concepts, certain accompanying emotions may cause him or her to suddenly become disorganized. The child may become anxious or withdrawn or actually feel disorganized. You can help your child by tuning in to the specific emotions...

Teaching self-control . . .

Self-control is an important attribute in our ability to manage life. This may be particularly true in our current culture, with temptations constantly being put in front of our faces. Businesses spend a lot of money to get us to act impulsively, and any store you...

Play with anxiety . . .

Children learn to manage anxiety through play. In the safe space of play, children can suspend the rules and restrictions of reality. When a child plays, he or she has the option of becoming the master rather than being the subject. A child can make decisions during...

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